Yeah, we know just how you feel, that’s why we’re constantly loading this page with responses to burning questions from teens just like you. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to respond to our “QM” (question of the month)……’cause we just might post your thoughts on our blog!!!

How old do you have to be to have a boyfriend? In general, it’s ok to be strictly platonic friends with girls and guys at any age. For example, you’ve played with both girls and boys since kindergarten and you still have girls and guys as “friends” at school, in your neighborhood and at church. However, let’s address the question that you’re really dying to ask ……“how old do you have to be to get involved in a dating relationship?” The truth of the matter is that this is a decision that should be left up to your parents or guardians. In most cases, they’re the best ones to determine when you’ve shown the level of maturity and responsibility necessary to add dating to the long list of other responsibilities (school, household chores, jobs, sports and other extra-curricular activities) that you have as a teen.

If you’re parents haven’t “officially” set an age, or if they don’t seem to really care, it’s a good rule of thumb that teens shouldn’t consider getting involved in a “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship before age 16 (or junior year in high school). And YES, this includes such things as dating while hanging out at a friend’s house; sneaking around, behind your parents back to meet someone; and even, calling up or texting someone, if your parents forbid this type of contact.

Until you’re officially allowed to date, freshman and sophomore teens could consider hanging out and doing the “group thing” (the group hang out thing, not the group sex thing) in public places like the bowling alley, the movies, video arcades and at school sports activities…..that is IF and only IF your parents allow it.

Now for you pre-teens…….because of the emotional and social challenges involved in dating relationships, it’s really not a good idea for middle and junior high students to get involved in dating relationships at all. That’s probably not the answer you wanted to hear….but just relax....you’ll have plenty of time for dating!

Is kissing a sin? Well the simple answer is no. Kissing in and of itself is not a sin. But your reasons for kissing could be sinful if they are motivated by lust, pride, selfishness, etc. Perhaps the BIGGER issue that you should be thinking about is the fact that kissing can definitely lead you to committing sin. For example, doing anything more than exchanging simple, affectionate pecks on the cheeks or lips…..you know like tongue, French or passionate kissing… …can cause you to think impure thoughts……which are, of course sinful by nature. Let’s face it…..do you think that it’s really that easy to STOP your mind from wandering after a long, hot and heavy, passionate smooching session?

And Keepin’ It Real……long make-out sessions can……and most likely will (eventually)……. lead you straight down the path to engaging in inappropriate (sinful) actions…..such as oral sex, anal sex, or sexual intercourse. Why? Because prolonged deep kissing and embracing stimulates your body.....and the heat of passion definitely decreases your better judgment and refusal skills!!

So, if you want to keep from “going all the way,” then you should definitely avoid hot and heavy kissing. If you want more information about the causes and effects of lust, sin and fornication (pre-marital sex), then check out Matthew 5:28; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1Corinthians 6:18-20; James 1:14-15, and, 1 John 2:15-17.

What do you do if you know that your step-dad is doing something behind your mom’s back that he promised he wouldn’t do anymore? You really didn’t give enough information in your question to get a specific response; nevertheless, there’s no doubt that you’re in a situation that is causing you some anxiety. In most cases, your first step is to be really sure that your “suspicions” about your step-dad are right. And, that wouldn’t be too hard to verify if the “something” that your step-dad is doing is relatively minor in nature. For example, your step-dad promised your mom that he would stop smoking, but you’ve seen him sneaking outside to light up when your mom isn’t at home.

But it’s a totally different situation if the “something” that your step-dad’s doing is a much bigger deal......for example, if you suspect that he’s cheating on your mom or using illegal drugs or something else major. In those cases, it might be much too hard (and for sure way inappropriate or even unsafe) for you to confirm your suspicions.

So what should you do you do next? Well it depends…..on your relationship with your step-dad…..the seriousness of the issue….and a whole lot more. Let’s use the example that your step-dad’s broken his promise about smoking cigarettes. If you guys have a pretty good relationship and you feel comfortable, you may consider telling your step-dad that you’ve seen him lighting up. You might even tell him how you feel about it, how it’s harming his health, and how much you’re mom would be disappointed if she found out. You could even encourage him to get help to quit smoking. If you guys have a pretty cool relationship, you could even tell him that you’re gonna tell your mom if he continues to hide it from her. In the end though, if he decides not to quit, it’s probably not your place to spill the beans to your mom.

Now for the other extreme…….if you have reason to seriously suspect that your step-dad is cheating or using illegal drugs. The most important question that needs to be answered first is…Is his behavior causing physical or emotional harm to you, your mom, or your siblings? If NOT, then it’s really not appropriate for you, as a teen, to involve yourself in the relationship matters of your adult parents…..let’s face it, weather you’re suspicions are right or wrong, you really shouldn’t be put in the position to carry the guilt and consequences of “the fall out” that’s gonna happen once your mom finds out.

If your step-dad’s secret behavior IS causing physical or emotional abuse in your household…….. or if you feel that his activities are serious enough that they could eventually have a bad impact your home……… then you should immediately seek the advice of a trusted adult (a grandparent, aunt or uncle, religious leader, school nurse or counselor, etc.) to help you safely navigate through all the potential pitfalls of your particular situation. No matter what the eventual outcome, understand that as a teen, you are not responsible for carrying around the heavy burden created by adults who’ve chosen to make unwise choices!

What do you do when you feel horny, but you’re still a virgin and you don’t want to have sex? First and foremost, congratulations on your decision to maintain your virginity. That is one of the smartest, healthiest and most important decisions that you can make as a teen or young adult!

But even though you’ve made such a wise decision, you have to remember that the physical symptoms of attraction to the opposite sex that you describe as “horniness” (such as butterflies in your stomach; sweaty palms; acceleration in your heart rate; and even, moisture in your vaginal area, or stiffening of your penis), are still gonna happen…….and they’re totally normal feelings to have – even for virgins.

There are however, some ways to minimize those feelings! The first step is to figure out exactly what you’re doing when you get those “horny” urges……Yup, it might be a little embarrassing to think about, but you’ve gotta zero in on the source of your “horniness!”

For starters, if you’re being stimulated (or getting horny) from listening to sexually explicit music, or watching sexually explicit music video’s, movies and TV shows……like many teens are……then you’ve definitely gotta make the tough choice to change your listening and viewing habits. In other words, turn it off or change the channel……cause whether you know it or not, that music and those shows are not only having an obvious influence on the physical “cravings” of your body, but they are also influencing your mind! The longer you listen to explicit music and watch raunchy shows, the more you’re becoming desensitized to the “lies” that those things promote.

What lies you ask? The notion that you can dirty dance, drop it like its hot, have casual sex, smoke and drink without any immediate or lasting consequences. Just think about it for a second. How many of your favorite music videos, regular or Reality TV programs, or blockbuster movies actually show someone who’s been infected with a curable or incurable Sexually Transmitted Disease after hooking up with Mr. or Miss Sexy? How many of them show the thousands & thousands of teen girls and adult women who are abandoned and left to deal with an unexpected pregnancy all by themselves? How many of them show girls that got “horny” at a party and agreed to sneak back into a room with one boy, only to end up being gang raped by a whole bunch of fellas?

The simple truth is this…what you constantly feed your brain (and your spirit) effects what you gradually begin to crave……why else do you think that companies spend billions of dollars on commercials???? Anyway……how long do you think that you can hold on to your desire to remain pure, if you keep filling your brain with impure words and images?

Now, speaking of sneaking around……that brings us to another possible source of your horniness…….allowing yourself to be caught in compromising positions. What’s a compromising position? Hummm, let’s see…..how about being hemmed up in the back seat of someone’s car at the drive-in movies, or at the park, or in some other semi-private location? Or, how about being alone with someone, or with a group of teens, at a place where there are no adults present? Or, sneaking into the school bathrooms or locker room; empty classrooms; or underneath the bleachers or the stairwell to be alone with someone? Or…….well, you get the picture. How about you fill in the blank with the name of the not-so-secret hook-up spot in your school or town?

Anyway the bottom line is this, you increase the possibility of getting horny when you allow yourself to be anywhere that increases the opportunity for you to be tempted into fooling around with someone. In this case, the best way to maintain your virginity is to avoid situations….such as those listed above…..which undoubtedly will increase your chances of being sexually stimulated and your temptation to act on those very real and very strong desires.

The last….and increasingly popular…..source that may cause you to be sexually stimulated (or get horny) is getting involved in risqué (or reckless) behavior on the Internet. You know participating in kinky on-line chat sessions; posting raw messages and pictures on MySpace and Facebook; viewing R and X-rated pictures on friend’s web pages; and, even visiting pornographic sites on the Internet.

Why is this such a big deal? Well, for one thing, involvement in risqué Internet activities results in the same types of brain washing…..oops negative influences…….. that constantly watching explicit video’s, movies and TV shows do. You know, looking at all those pictures of guys flexing with their shirts off……or showing off their hard …..bodies….. while posing in only their underwear……or constantly seeing girls with their breasts spilling over their tank tops or their round little butt cheeks bouncing in front of the camera……and much, much worse. Eventually your mind and your conscious becomes less and less offended and outraged from extensive viewing of sexually explicit photos and videos like these……and at the same time you start to crave (or really want to see) more and more of those images.

Besides the mental stimulation that you experience while hanging out on-line………since you usually surf the web alone, you’re often more willing to post bold statements, flirt more and talk way dirtier that you would if you were face to face with someone. Of course the person that you’re chatting with will in turn send you more bold and sexual comments, and before you know it……you’re both sexually stimulated! So then what do you think is gonna happen the next time that you actually see that person face to face???? Don’t you think that the chances are really high for you to be “punked” or dared into making good on all that flirting that you’ve been doing on line?

Speaking of meeting your on-line chat buddy face-to-face……its bad enough if you’ve been flirting on line with someone that you know……but often times, the “friends” that you accept on your web pages and the people that you meet on line aren’t who they pretend to be! Countless true stories have been reported where perverts and pedophiles (old farts….over age 18….who like to have sex with young kids & teens) and sexual abusers and rapists and pimps and kidnappers and murderers and all sorts of other bad people, surf the web hoping to trick kids & teens into becoming friends with them, or falling in love with them, or agreeing to have cyber-sex with them, or agreeing to go out with them, or agreeing to run away with them. Please understand that these situations NEVER have a happy ending. The teen always ends up being emotionally and/or physically abused, exploited or even killed. So if you really want to avoid getting “horny” and remain a virgin, the best advice is to avoid risky Internet activities!

Hey! Check out our Question of the Month submitted by a teen:

Dear DIVAS:
I’m in love with a guy who is dating someone else. Him and his girlfriend go to the same school but I see him all the time at Youth Group and at Church. When we’re around each other he’s all lovey-dovey with me and tells me that he loves me. But he still hasn’t broken up with his girlfriend. Should I continue to wait on him or just move on?
- Ms. Dovey, Florida

Now it’s your turn to Keep it Real! What do you think?

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